Write like you're running out of time.

I am very busy.


I am busy, not with work, but with things to do at home. Even though I don't have children yet, I already feel overwhelmed.

Right now, my room is filled with things that take up my time.

There's a copy of CSAPP that I just started reading a few sections of, and a computer networking book that I only glanced through the table of contents. They are both great books, but I haven't had the time to continue reading them. There are also several books that I borrowed from the library, and I've only managed to read about a third of them in the past few months... In addition to studying, I also need to improve my English skills. I can't just rely on a low TOEFL score to consider myself successful, because if I don't maintain it, I might forget everything in a year.

Apart from studying, I have a lot of ways to entertain myself, or rather, a lot of electronic junk. My old iPad didn't have much value, but since I got Apple Music, Apple Arcade, and TV+ for free, it's filled with new content, which adds to my decision-making burden.

As for my Android tablet, it's nothing special because whatever it can do, my phone can do too. I only use it to watch videos on Bilibili. Although I don't touch platforms like Douyin, I still come across more and more short videos and promotional videos on Bilibili's homepage. Even if I don't look at the homepage, I follow more and more content creators, and sometimes I can't keep up with my timeline. But FOMO manipulates me to spend more time scrolling. Besides watching videos, mobile games also consume my attention. Heaven Burns Red has a Chinese version now, and there's a collaboration event with another game that I want to try.

Then there are the real gaming consoles. The Nintendo Switch was blocked by the TOEFL before, and I have a bunch of games that I haven't played. Although... I haven't bought them either, because my friends talked me out of each one. But I still have a strong desire to play. I got a friend's premium membership for the PS4, and I look at the games in my library, wanting to play but afraid to start. I've become a bit obsessive, where I feel the need to platinum every game I play, but platinum trophies are also troublesome. So I'm constantly torn between wanting to play and not wanting the hassle.

Books, games, videos, a lot of them. But when I get home from work at 9 o'clock, on weekdays I only have two hours to "deal with" all these time-consuming things. Maybe my self-control is weak, but the fact is, I am really "busy" right now.

When I was in elementary and middle school, I used to complain about being bored at home all the time, and my mom would scold me. Sometimes I think, it would be perfect if I could give a little bit of what I can do now to my past self... But is it really? If my childhood was also filled with these things, I might lose out on other things.

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